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7. Yum! Brands (Urgent Disclaimer Included)
I love Taco Bell, I eat it sober at least once or twice a month, and if i’ve had a few drinks I eat it a lot more than that. I don’t care what the meat consists of, I don’t care about the calories, I just know that when you dangle the prospect of a Cheesy Gordita Crunch in my face there’s nothing that can stop me from devouring it. Yum! Brands’ other children, however, are turrible (Charles Barkley inflection).
If you go to a buddies house to watch a game, and upon arrival you realize he has ordered Pizza Hut, to feed your human mouth and not his animals, you probably need to find new friends. Thankfully Louisville fan Papa John (his real name) produces a marginally better product. I won’t get into KFC because frankly I don’t think that I need to. The worst part about Yum! (aside from the !) is their sponsorship of the Kentucky Derby.
The most prolific American horse race in the world, an allegedly classy event (now filled to the brim with cargo shorts) is sponsored by a chain of restaurants that is routinely accused of using tainted meat. The jokes essentially write themselves, and every time the phrase “the Kentucky Derby, brought to you by Yum! Brands” is uttered inside the broadcast, a baby horse is turned into a chalupa.
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